What an incredible blessing that I know what to expect and how to feel.

Why is this so much harder now than before?

I look around my living room and find myself in the slow process of deconstructing our little apartment that has been our home for the past five years (almost seven years for me if you count the years I lived here with my dear friend Katie).  The pictures on the walls are slowly finding their way into one of the many, many boxes that are lying around everywhere.  I find myself agonizing as to what items should be kept and what should be tossed.  It's hard to let go sometimes.

My first extended stint abroad was in 2001.  I was in Melbourne, Australia for five months.  It was so amazing that I've built my life (and eventually my husband's life too) on the idea of returning.  Here we are ten years later.

Back then, I was a college student, so my folks stored every earthly possession I owned.  I should also mention that back then, like most college students, my bedroom in their house still existed.  This provided ample closet space.  I even had two closets, if you count the closet in the attached bathroom.
My second extended stint abroad was to Scotland for six months in 2004.  This time, my parents helped me sell my furniture.  I stored all my stuff in boxes in their pole barn.  For some reason, I don't vividly remember going through this process of packing and storing.  I think I pretty much threw all my stuff into boxes and didn't give it much thought as to what I should keep or not.

Upon returning from Scotland, Justin and I began to establish our careers and really set-up our home.  We eventually were able to buy nice kitchen and home items.  I began traveling more and bought essential items like a drum from Tanzania and a nón lá (cone hat) from Vietnam.  Oh, it is so amazing how things pile up!  I do need to keep the perspective that at the end of the day, material possessions are just that: things.

I have a few theories as to why this whole process is more difficult this time around:
1. We've collected things of more personal value and they aren't small things (tons of photo albums, rugs from India and Morocco, etc.)
2. We will be gone for a much longer period, this time around.  Plus, I am experiencing some anxiety in regards to leaving... don't get me wrong, I am VERY excited!  However, transitory periods are never fun for me.  I hate the "in between" phase.
3. Our home is in total disarray.  I loathe messiness and thrive on extreme organization.  I look around at everything that is now all over the place and I cringe.
4.  Five years (or seven, depending on how you see it) is a long time to stay in one spot and it's rather easy to become attached.  We really love our neighborhood too!

Bottom line:  I'm doing okay.  I'll be okay. Hopefully this post isn't too much of a downer and you'll continue to read my blog! Ha ha ha!  I want to be as candid as possible in my experiences and feelings.  The interesting thing about all these feelings is that I have experienced them twice before.  What an incredible blessing that I know what to expect and how to feel.  The constant flow of ups and downs during this transition are inevitable.  I just need to continue to remind myself that no matter how hard things get during this period, it is always worth it in the end.